Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Clever Title For Broccoli Blog

***Note: My pictures have mysteriously disappeared and I am fussy about it. I have substituted crappy drawings of broccoli for the real thing. It does not look appetizing. I apologize. Please don't let this deter you from reading the blog in the future. I promise all other crappy drawings I provide from now on will depict painful childhood memories, or situations that are too awkward for real life.


So when I was a kid I ate broccoli when it was forced upon me. However, like many of my peers, I could not be coerced into this contract lightly. The deal was...broccoli would be consumed if slathered beyond recognition in a cheese sauce of my choosing or drowned in at least double its volume of Hidden Valley Ranch salad dressing. Once both parties were agreed on the terms of the contract, I would eat my dairy dipped treats happily and my parents would pat themselves on the back for getting some semblance of nutrition into me, even if it up-ed my daily caloric intake by 500 notches or so.

Now that I am old and wise I realize that my parents got the raw end of that deal.  As we've learned from watching Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution...a french fry (at least by Huntington, West Virginia's public school system) is considered a vegetable. Now I'm not one to scoff at french fries. I live two doors down from Pommes Frites, or as I like to call it - Heaven.  But I do see this genuine disdain of real vegetables as a problem.

I like pretty much all veggies at this point in my life. But broccoli has always been a harder one to stomach.  It's naturally a little bitter, has an off putting texture when raw, and if overcooked, is pretty much inedible in my opinion, not to mention the odor.  But I have found one way, short of arterial damage due to cheese intake, that I will always eat it;
and I'm willing to bet that I would have happily gobbled it down as a child without any contractual agreement necessary.

Roasting anything at high heat with lots of salt and pepper is pretty much an easy win in my book. Roasted potatoes - Good. Roasted carrots - Good. Roasted chicken - Good.  So in the name of uneaten, pushed around the plate, fed to the dog, spat out into a napkin vegetables everywhere...I give you...

Almost As Good As A Bag Of Crack Roasted Broccoli (With crappy pictures!!! whoopie!)

Preheat oven to 400 Degrees F (yes, now, go)

1 large bunch of broccoli
2 T Olive Oil
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp pepper
1 T lemon juice

Cut the broccoli into small spears and spread in one layer on a baking sheet
Toss with the olive oil, salt, pepper and lemon juice so they all get some lovin'
They will look like this...





Then put them in your preheated oven on the center rack and leave them alone for 15 minutes (that means no peeking...you perv)
After 15 minutes of anticipation open the door and stir your veg up a little bit with a spatula. You'll notice parts of the florets are beginning to brown a bit...that's good.
Return them to the oven for another 5-10 minutes, checking every 2 minutes or so to make sure they aren't burning. Brown is good, black is bad...that is not racist when you're talking about broccoli.
I like mine a little on the darker side, but you can pull yours out when you feel good and ready. Just remember, the darker the broccoli gets before it hits black, burnt, California wildfire phase, the richer and tastier it will be.

When you take them out they should look something like this...



mmm...look at all those brown bits of salty, lemony goodness.

If you try this and don't like it...well then sorry I don't owe you anything, because I think they're great.
But if you DO like them...well then...
A. We can be friends
B. You can serve them as a side dish, tossed in pasta, or my personal favorite...eating them cold out of a rubbermaid container standing in front of the open refrigerator. 
C. You can do all of the above without judgment or ridicule.

I can't think of a good closing for this blog post...so...shameless plug to my two loyal readers...tell 15 friends of the eating persuasion to read my blog...or you will be cursed with bad luck for the next seven years...now scroll down to the bottom of the page and make a wish...

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loser.

2 comments:

  1. This is definitely one of my favorite "Jo...I'm hungry, what do you have?" snacks. And I agree: eaten cold out of a plastic container is the best way to eat them, especially when you alternate between cold broccoli and cold slices of steak.

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  2. I tried this out last night...it was great! Thanks Jo!

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